Once you understand how negative emotions affect you and others then you decide to counteract them by practice. There is nothing in this life that does not requires effort and practice. However, in time it get easier. I really do not know why life is like this but it does not matter anyway. Because we still have to do what works regardless of the reason. First you need to identify the emotions to substitute them. It get tricky pretty often because the emotions that you identify with may not seem to you as negative. You have to learn to know yourself and what you stand for. The negative emotions that are associated with these issues will not be apparent to you. Any suffering regarding what you love the most or enjoy the most may be perceive as impossible to overcome. Any prejudice that you have will be a perfect opportunity to store negative emotions. Hence, it may require for you to change the way you think about certain situations or groups. Basically you have to eliminate anything that you hate. This could be a challenge because you may have to learn to love what you think needs to be eliminated. You have heard this before but probably was to abstract for you to consider it practical. You may have thought that Is only for saints. Well, you thought wrong, it is more frequent that would you like to admit it. I will give you some personal examples but we are all different so it is more important to identify your own challenges. The situations I am going to present may seem dumb to you, but what is important is for you to identify your dumb examples thru mine. The key is how you feel about the situation not the magnitude of the situation. I am very sensitive and reject injustice. I dislike inflicting pain or causing harm. By the same token I get very offended when people invade my space because I do not invade anybodies space. This is fertile ground for suffering. I remember when I was 4 years old my neighbor who was 1 year younger hit me. I came home crying complaining that the kid hit me. I was looking for a peaceful resolution to the conflict. My father got really angry and called me a faggot and make me go into my neighbors house and beat the crap out of the kid. I did what I was told knowing that it was wrong and felt embarrass for violating the home of the kid’s parents. I felt as an intruder that was going to hurt the parents by hitting the kid. I knew I was stronger than the kid that was the point. I wanted the kid to understand that hitting me was inappropriate. I felt guilty making the kid and the parents hurt by my actions. I did not had the skills to avoid violence with peaceful resolution. That is what I wanted, an alternative to prevent people from physically hurting me without resorting to violence. These event created a significant internal conflict for which my father found an answer Batman. Sometimes you need violence to keep justice. I hated injustice and was strong enough to be Batman. However, this did not solve the conflict, but it provided a practical alternative. The event created another problem which was external to my mind. The concept of being a faggot. I am pretty sure that I had no idea what he was talking about, but whatever It was my father did not like. It had to be pretty bad for my dad to make such a big deal of it. Hence, faggot became to me someone who abuses another or allowed to be abused. I was not going to be a faggot and would not stand for any abuse or allowed anybody to be abuse in my presence. This is trouble, I learned to resolve every injustice with physical violence. Peaceful resolution was being a faggot. Today, I still struggle with peaceful resolution, my first reaction is to inflict physical pain. I conceptually understand why violence is not the answer but subconsciously peaceful resolution does not satisfy me. I need to beat the crap out of them especially if the opponent is not weak. The more dangerous the situation the greater the desire to fight. Luckily I hated bullies and since I was strong I learn peaceful resolution with weak individuals. I became the champion of the weak. However, I would not back down regardless of the age, strength or number. This is dangerous especially for a child. I was lucky that I never lost a fight and learned that courage may be the only weapon at times. In reality I got very lucky. All my friends were older than me, all my male family members were older than me so I received excellent training. From 6th grade to 8th grade no one from high school could bully a middle school kid. Obviously, I had a lot of friends in high school because I was the youngest in my neighborhood and they consider me their friend. They would train me to be able to hold my own if trouble erupted. Hence, most of my protection of kids in middle school was based on respect not physical force. Also, I was very lucky to have a classmate that was deaf and mute who was 5 years older than me and strong. He was my best friend because I was his tutor. He sat together and were inseparable. Mickey was very sensitive about injustice so it did not take much to convince him. We were something to see. However, all I have described is luck nothing else. My first girlfriend dump me for a friend of mine. This was a big insult to me because I felt like a faggot even though the situation had nothing to do with that. I decided to kill him from my life. It was a symbolic act of violence. From that point on, he died to me. This is a very dramatic stand for a 12 year old boy. Now a new concept was attached to faggot, treason or betrayal. This new negative emotion became a capital crime to me. Any betrayal was a significant emotional stress for me because it would arise the feeling of being a faggot which I had my own definition for it. Also, betrayal now got incorporated into the resolution with physical violence. Other conflicts got added into the pot, religion, especially the role of Jesus. This was a major conflict because he was completely non-violent. I agree with him in everything except violence. I felt bad because I could not give up violence. As a matter of fact I hated holy week because all I felt was anger against the Romans. All I thought during holy weak was that I wished lived at the time of Jesus to give the romans what they deserved. As the story unfolds you can see how conflicts are created by ignoring to teach how to handle negative emotions. It creates a confusion that only makes sense to you. It creates unnecessary obstacles along the way. Today I can not look at a picture of Christ bleeding or suffering. I can not stand suffering not only because I am empathic and compassionate by nature but because it arises the feelings of aggression which I despise too. I could tell you with certainty that I feel very guilty if an idea of violence crosses my mine. Similarly, I feel like a faggot by suppressing the feelings of aggression. The worst part is that people who knows me use this notions to manipulate or hurt me which is even worse.
Antidotes To Negative Emotions V